Today was one of those days where you stub your toe a jillion times, drop everything, cry uncontrollably, get summoned to jury duty, have your phone start calling random numbers whilst sitting untouched on the table, make several, unintentional, enormous messes, have one computer glitch after another, can't seem to get anything done, almost get hit in a parking lot, forget the one thing you went to the store for and have to go back but are then 3 pennies short, grab more food at the grocery store than you have money in your account to pay for and have to leave half of it sitting on the conveyor belt [sorry sweet Walmart lady...I am so ashamed], and YES....that ALL happened today. ALL. Total, complete frustration, folks. Total, complete frustration.
But in the midst of me making a crazy, crying, hot mess of myself, my sweet little boy comes to see about the crying in the bathroom. He has always been so very concerned with the emotions of people around him, especially me. He sees me there, head buried in hands, and quietly goes and gets a stuffed turtle out of his room to give me. I thank him, but the tears still stream. And he goes off again, this time into my room to bring me the teddy bear a sweet friend made for me at Build-a-Bear and named "Levi Bear." I sleep with him every night in the crook of my otherwise empty arm. Griffin knows that teddy bear is special to me, so he brings me my bear and hugs me long, looking tenderly up at my face every now and then. I wish I could always hold it together for him, but then again, I want him to know that it is okay to feel, to express, to be open, to share the struggles of life with God, family and friends. Sometimes I'm so sad that my little 2 year old has to be saddled with a grieving mother, like he's too little to be the one doing the comforting. But he hands me Levi the teddy bear, and hugs, and says, "Mama cweye [cry]. Beebee bayuh [baby bear]. Beebee Weeveye [baby Levi]. Beebee." [sigh] This is sweetness itself. Only God knows how much he understands/can comprehend of all this, but he does know that when I cry, I'm sad over baby Levi. He does know that he can comfort me, and he has attempted this in so many ways. Now, he usually hugs/cuddles and brings me the teddy bear. But he used to try to do funny things that would make me laugh, bring me books and his favorite toys that he would like to be comforted with if he were upset, talk to me about "Cars," his current favorite movie obsession, and try to convince me to "put shoes on", "door open, outside", "coop duht" [scoop dirt]. I wish so badly he didn't have to be going through this too, having to try to comfort his crying mother. Perhaps the Lord is molding him even now to grow to be a man of great compassion. I hope so.